So here we are at the start of another year, 2018. Of course we all want it to be a ‘happy one’ and hopefully it will be. But perhaps we could play a direct role in making it a whole lot happier by focusing on helping others and our planet.

These days it’s so very easy to become insular—to think only of ourselves and our family and friends, and wanting the best for them. But what if we were to step outside our comfort zone and look around at what’s going on; not just across the world, but here on this small island on which we’re privileged to live. Yes, Great Britain!

To kick off, let’s talk about children—and how they’re raised nowadays.

When I was growing up, there was no Internet – so no social media and no online shopping – and definitely no mobile phones! As children, we had the freedom of ignorance. What I mean is, we were protected by our parents, grandparents and teachers from the horrors out there to which children today seem often exposed. We weren’t allowed to, but also didn’t want to look at newspapers or listen to the news on the radio—in the days before television. That’s because we’d be out all day in the fresh air, playing with our friends and growing up blissfully cocooned from the world at large.

Today, we’re allowing young children to have their heads filled with so much negative and often frightening information—most of which is hard enough for adults to comprehend. And then we wonder why children as young as eight or nine are being diagnosed with stress and depression.

Responsibility, of course, still largely lies with the parents. But I have to also question the policymakers who seem to find it acceptable for our youth’s innocence to be stripped away in their formative years, rather than allowing them to grow up slowly—as we were—in a carefree environment, absorbing and learning from their experiences, being creative, and gaining confidence along the way.

To start from the beginning, let’s look at the family structure in our society today. Was it the right thing to do, in the late ’90s, to pressurize women to return to work and put their children into nursery or with a child-minder? Encouraged by the government of the day, which provided financial assistance by way of nursery vouchers, women acquired a new-found freedom, and families saw their spending power increase. A better home, holidays abroad, designer clothes and eating out were some of the benefits they convinced themselves would benefit them and their children. Excellent for the economy, but at what cost? Sadly, the price has been an ever-increasing breakdown in family life with more and more children forced to endure growing up in one-parent households.

I’ve personally witnessed this, and while I’m not suggesting every broken relationship involving children leads to disastrous consequences, it’s clear that the emotional trauma for both young children and teenagers can be overwhelming. The question is, will the children who experience this first-hand be able to understand how and why it’s affected their future selves as adults—and be able to do something about it? Going by the number of people now reportedly needing/seeking medication and counselling to treat depression, it appears not. And it’s no great surprise.

As a society we have to accept that, when parents separate, their children’s world collapses—and the security they once had is gone. In many cases the ‘break-up’ will involve moving home, changing schools, having to make new friends, start a different daily routine and very often have to deal with things which Mum or Dad would previously have taken care of. Suddenly they have two homes, and are forced to split their time between each, just so they can keep seeing Mum and Dad. Then maybe a new partner arrives on the scene—but that’s a whole ’nother blog post!

At this point I should say that I definitely don’t agree with couples who stay together for the sake of the children. If their relationship has irretrievably broken down and there’s no hope, it’s surely the right decision to separate. However, as we grow older we do change—and riding over and through the rough patches can ultimately smooth things out. Plus, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Watching my grandchildren growing up and being closely involved in their lives has been a privilege. But I also cannot help but compare what they have to cope with nowadays to that which my own children dealt with growing up through the 1970s and 1980s. There’s so much more to deal with and to be fearful about—and it’s all-too-often right there in front of them 24 hours a day!

So, in 2018, can we change anything to help reverse the overwhelming decline in the wellbeing of our children?

The answer is undoubtedly yes—but there needs to be a radical change in how we think about and approach raising them. We need to take a leaf out of what worked for us and give 21st century children back their childhoods, protecting them from the outer world. And we, as adults, also have to lead the way in understanding that when we take the leap into parenthood, sacrifices have to be made! The life of a single man or woman has to go on the backburner.

We need to allow our next generation of children to grow up slowly, at the right pace, so they can enjoy being a child and we can enjoy being parents. The pressures of fashion and make-up and the latest fads need to be removed—or at the very least shielded from our young ones. The designer labels and clothes we often feel we have to dress them in so as to ‘keep up with the Joneses’ are not enhancing their childhood or self-esteem, or teaching them the value of money and hard work. On the contrary, they’re learning nothing of value, parents become financially compromised and the fashion companies just get even richer!

Let children be children. Let them blossom and grow in a loving and carefree environment. Raise them with good, sound routines. As parents, you make the rules. Being told what is happening and when will make your children feel secure and loved. Give them a time to head to bed and stick to it. Don’t be swayed by pleas for an extra half hour.

Remove all electronic devices from their bedrooms and encourage reading before sleep. I always read to my children and grandchildren; they loved it and so did I!

Consider what your child has access to every day, and how those things would have affected you at their age. If it would have scared you, surely it will scare them? And when they reach their teens and it sometimes feels like a battleground, realise it’s not. They are simply seeing how far they can push the boundaries—and it’s up to you, as parents, to set those boundaries and make them impenetrable. If they go out, ensure they’re back at the time you say. They will thank you for it in the long run.

Sadly, not all of us will experience the joy of being a parent. But those that do, need to recognise how incredibly special it is. Cherish each child through their early and then teenage years. And when they reach 18 and officially become an adult, give yourself a pat on the back, for the amazing human being you have raised. You’ll deserve it!

Until next time,

Happy New Year!

Granny Flapjax X

Hello everyone

Well, the festive season is here again—and usually by this time my stress levels are off the scale! But not this year. For the first time in the 47 years my husband and I have been married, we’re spending Christmas Day on our own… and I can’t tell you how excited I am! Not that I haven’t enjoyed all the Christmases over the years when first our children were growing up; and then our grandchildren. But I’d be telling porkies (pork pies—lies) if I didn’t admit to feeling under immense pressure in the run-up to the ‘big day’.

Firstly, what to buy everyone? Do I fill an Xmas carrier bag with lots of items from the Pound Shop? Because, in reality, the younger children really only enjoy the anticipation of the gift—and unwrapping. Growing up now they become heavily influenced by the relentless bombardment of TV adverts—or feel pressured by their friends into requesting the latest kids craze or fad… despite it costing a small fortune! When they hit their teens, the focus becomes: ‘money, money, money.’ No trudging around town needed here. And you can’t get away with that bargain you bought in the sales last January.

Once you’ve decided which gifts you still need to buy, let the battle commence! You put your life in others’ hands as you head for the shops. Invariably you can’t find what you want straight away, so you join the mile-long queue to request it in person from a sales assistant… only to discover, when you reach the counter, your item has sold out!

The easier, less stressful option these days has to be online shopping. But be sure you’re dealing with reputable companies and sellers. There’s nothing more frustrating than waiting with anticipation for that special gift… and it never arriving! Worst still, your money’s been lost too. The safest option is to pay by credit card and not debit—which gives you no protection at all.

So we’ve dealt with presents, now what about cards? Well, after countless years of crafting a ‘round robin’ update letter, I came to the conclusion no-one’s really interested in what’s happened in my life over the past 12 months. Or perhaps they simply don’t have time to be interested, given the number of things pulling us in different directions and vying for our attention in 21st Century life. Traditionally, we still receive cards from people we never see and only communicate with at Christmas—featuring the inevitable line: “We really must get together next year.” Why do we repeatedly vow this? We haven’t turned the vow into a physical catch-up/get-together for the past however many years, so why would that change now? These are simply empty promises. 

Over the last couple of years I’ve taken a hard line and bravely struck people off my list… only to then receive a card from them a few days later! So, of course, I send one back; feeling obligated to do so—and guilty if I don’t. But why is it so difficult to break this habit? Well, with postage costs rising every year, I have now managed to make some progress on that front: sending e-cards. For me they’re simply brilliant—especially for those we send to overseas!

So, with cards and presents sorted, what’s left? Food, of course! What I’ve yet to understand, when it comes to shopping for Christmas and New Year, is why we feel the need to stockpile supplies as if shops are going out of fashion. We cram our trolleys chock-full with absurd amounts of food and drink—much of which will simply end up in the bin or compost. Why do we do that? Perhaps it’s that we’ve been conditioned to believe that, over the Yuletide week, our bodies need regenerating/revitalising with the consumption of more food than we’d normally eat in a month!

If we all took a step back, got some perspective and shopped sensibly, there’d be a lot less wastage and a much lighter impact on our wallets. We’d be healthier, too—so all-round a ‘win-win’ situation. Let’s dare to dream! Back to Christmas 2017. When I let slip we might be having a Christmas pizza for dinner, the grandkids’ eyes lit up and they wanted a piece of the action. ‘Oops!’ To insure we’ll still be having our special Christmas-for-two, I’ll instead be cooking duck breasts with plum sauce & trimmings—and, sticking with tradition, Christmas pudding and brandy butter for dessert. Aside from the cooking, it’ll be a blissful ‘chill day’. And I’m going to lap it up… not least                     because I’ll be feeding 12 on Boxing Day!

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! 

Grannyflapjax X

 

 

 

To kick off my second blog post, I have a question for you: Have you been watching Blue Planet II? If you’re located overseas, it’s a British nature documentary shown in the UK on Sunday nights – and it has had me hooked. Even if you’re not a fan of oceans (which can’t be too many people), the incredible photography and revelations about what lies beneath these vast expanses of water would surely captivate and stir up emotions within even the hardiest of human souls.

Over the past 30 years I’ve been extremely lucky to experience, first-hand, some of the seven wonders of the ocean world. And it makes me nauseous to think that the way we are living our lives today is gradually destroying, not just the coral reefs, but also some of the most intelligent and resourceful marine life that grace our oceans. We’re poisoning the waters these sublime creatures call home, and for what? For our own selfish needs—that’s what.

My first wonderful ocean experience was watching the orcas (killer whales) pass by Telegraph Cove in Vancouver, Canada. We were on a small tourist boat – so were able to share what was a truly amazing experience with everyone on board. To see men and women alike reduced to tears by these magnificent specimens was humbling, to say the least. As well as being beautiful and extremely clever, these creatures also really care about each other. Us humans could certainly learn a thing or two from them!

The second sample of nature at its finest I enjoyed was also in Canada – during a boat trip from the town of Tofino, on Vancouver Island. This time the vessel we boarded was a RIB (a rigid inflatable boat) – and that’s all there was between us and the Pacific Ocean! I’m not a great swimmer and panic if I can’t touch the bottom of a pool or the seabed. However, when treated to an hour of humpback whales playing close by you, that vulnerable feeling simply washes away. Enriching the experience were the things we learned – such as whales engaging in tail-smacking to either clean themselves or be playful. And when their tail is in a diagonal position, the message is you’re getting too close and invading their space. It’s all such an adrenalin rush – and difficult to put into words exactly how it makes you feel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My third and most memorable experience out on the ocean ‘road’ was during a three-week holiday on our friends’ sailing boat in La Paz, Mexico. We had no idea what to expect… which made it all the more exciting! On our first big trip out into the Sea of Cortez – off the Baja Coast – we travelled to the island of Los Islotes—where sea lions famously go to breed. As we approached the rocks ready to drop anchor we were greeted by a group of playful pups (infant sea lions), who came right up the side of the boat before leaping out of the water towards us. Our friends, who are extremely competent swimmers and divers, plunged into the water to swim with the sea lions. It was amazing how the pups interacted with them—and I was very tempted to jump in too! The near-perfect scene was given a sharp reality check as we noticed the bulls laying sedately on the rocks to keep a protective eye on their young. Our friends had forewarned us they can turn vicious in an instant if feeling threatened – so you always have to respect their private space.

On another trip we sailed to the Bay of La Paz, an area where whale sharks – the biggest fish in the ocean – make an annual visit. On organized excursions, people are allowed to swim behind them for a short period, getting quite up, close and personal. I feel that’s a step (or stroke) too far—but it is providing a source of employment to those running the tours, and there are strict rules and regulations in place to protect the whale sharks. These formidable fish are actually quite harmless and gently glide along just below the sea’s surface—making them easy to view. Upon our arrival, out of the blue, two humpback whales breached alongside the boat and said a warm hello. It was over so quickly… but what a treat! During that trip we saw some more breaching humpbacks, flying rays, and a personal favourite of mine—dolphins! What a joy. They came right up to the bow of either side of the boat and played in the wash. It was truly spectacular! I recently heard someone call into a radio show and make a comment about Blue Planet II – saying: “once you’ve seen one dolphin you’ve seen them all.” Believe me, that couldn’t be further from the truth—and was quite an arrogant, naïve remark.

Our final whale experience was arguably the most special of all; on a boat trip to see the gray whales in San Ignacious Lagoon. The female whales travel here every year to give birth to their calves – and the boatmen all know the whales by name. We were privileged to have a mother gray swim right up to the boat with her baby; even allowing us to stroke her head and taking great delight in spraying us with water through her blowhole. To be fair, it didn’t smell great! But the special connection we made with them over-powered everything. Incredibly, to top things off, her calf then appeared alongside her, rolled over and allowed us to tickle its tummy. These whales are enormous, and when they approach the boat it looks like a submarine heading right for you. However, as they reach the boat they dive down underneath it and appear almost magically on the other side. You don’t feel a thing. Simply incredible!

While the three weeks interacting with an array of wonderful sea-life will forever live in the memory, I also came home sporting the powerful realization that we, as humans, have an obligation to protect these beautiful oceans and the masses of majestic creatures and plants contained within them. They are such an important part of our planet – and if we don’t start to reverse the damage we are doing, future generations won’t get to enjoy similar life-changing experiences.

Every species that is lost through over-fishing, killing sharks for their fins and killing whales for cosmetic and other reasons, will ultimately destroy the food chain from which we all benefit. Let’s dump all the plastic that we don’t need – and if we have to use any, make sure it’s disposed of responsibly so it doesn’t end up in our oceans. We must stop the destruction! What kind of beings are we to ignore what is happening right before our eyes? These creatures have just as much right to be on this planet as we do. Oceans cover approximately 71% of our planet, and we have to wake up to what is happening before it’s too late. We have to individually and collectively take responsibility for all the damage that we, as a race, are inflicting on our marine life. Not least for the fact that our planet’s survival depends on it. It’s in our own hands – but the change needs to happen NOW. Not next week, next month or next year; right NOW! We can all make a difference—and we MUST!

Until next time,

Granny Flapjax X